Sex Ed Debunked

Study Session #19: Flagging

• Trailblaze Media • Season 3 • Episode 4

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Ever wondered how a simple handkerchief or a pair of Doc Martens can tell a captivating story of identity and preference? Brace yourself for an enlightening journey through the intriguing world of non-verbal communication within the LGBTQ+ community. This episode promises to deepen your understanding of this lesser-known aspect of queer culture, commonly known as flagging. Discover how a color-coded bandana or the pocket it's tucked into can signal different preferences, and how earrings and keys play their part too. We also explore how flagging has evolved with pop culture influences, specifically hip-hop, and its role in the often delicate process of coming out.

But that’s not all! We also decode modern signaling trends you may have noticed but never understood. Carabiners, not just for rock climbing anymore, are now a proud symbol of the lesbian community. Doc Martens, a fashion statement for some, for others they’re a subtle indicator of non-heterosexuality. Even nail polish isn't just about vanity, but can signal relationship status. Ever seen an upside-down pineapple and wondered why it's upside-down? Well, it’s a sign of polyamory. And who would've thought that the color of a Loofah could carry a special meaning in certain adult communities in Florida! Prepare to have your mind blown as we reveal the hidden language of symbols within the LGBTQ+ community. Tune in and let's start this fascinating exploration together!

Follow us on social @sexeddebunked or send us a message at sexeddebunked@gmail.com

Shannon:

This is Study Sessions brought to you by Sex Ed Debunked In these mini-sodes.

Christine:

We'll discuss a myth suggested to us by listeners like you Like what you hear?

Shannon:

Want to hear more? Follow us on Instagram, facebook and Twitter at Sex Ed Debunked to suggest new myths, provide your own show notes and give us ideas for what to talk about next.

Christine:

Now take some notes. The study group is in session. Hi, this is Study Sessions, a bi-weekly mini-sode from Sex Ed Debunked, where we talk about topics brought to us by you, our listeners.

Shannon:

On this week's episode, we're talking about flagging no, not the different pride flags, because, honestly, who has the time? But flagging, which also is signaling and, of course, had to grab that urban dictionary definition. It's either this is great, thank you, urban dictionary. It's either holding your body horizontally while gripping onto a pole to look like a flag that sounds fun. That's yeah, mm-hmm. Or the definition that we're actually going to go through today, which is wearing something that signals your sexual identity.

Christine:

So flagging, also known as signaling, started not surprisingly as a way for LGBTQ folks to indicate their sexual preferences to others in the community without outing themselves to people outside of the community. The practice became very popular, especially for gay men, in the 1970s and, I'm familiar with, in the 80s as well.

Shannon:

Yeah, yeah, we'll get into the different types, because there are all different types of flagging. So, yeah, what do you think?

Christine:

of Well, I know traditionally most gay men.

Shannon:

it was mostly handkerchiefs, but in the 80s and 90s we knew about the earrings Mm-hmm yeah, I Googled that because Google is my co-pilot, but the right ear is gay for anyone who's taking notes. Left ear straight as an arrow.

Christine:

Well, right ear the thing is. Back in the 80s people started wearing earrings as a thing and, quite honestly, as being a part of the cis-het community. At the time, we never could keep track which was which. So, it really didn't help us out, but clearly they've been in the community. The gay men in the community knew what they were doing.

Shannon:

Yeah well, god forbid you put the. You know you're straight and you put it in the wrong ear. It is making a resurgence, though there's been a problem in the last five years or so, a lot due to hip-hop culture.

Christine:

There's been a resurgence of these single-ear earring and it's not flagging, it's just style, and then it went to two earrings, but then the gay men earrings would be the ones that had a dangle.

Shannon:

Well, now, that's not the taste. Now there's a dangle and so it's all at the window. Or, if you're like us, you just go to Claire's three days before a wedding that you promised you would wear earrings for, and that's our story of how we got our ears pierced.

Christine:

But that's a little bit of history. That's probably years ago.

Shannon:

Not necessarily current today. Yeah, so anyway, back to the topic of flagging. There you go Back to handkerchiefs. Handkerchiefs, right. So it kind of looks like a flag, but depending on the color of the handkerchief and which pocket it was in, it would indicate different preferences. So you know, blue might mean they're atop and lavender might mean they're into drag queens. Hmm, yeah, and then, yeah, the pocket itself usually indicates top or bottom. So, like, left pocket usually has to do with something that someone likes to give versus the right pocket, which has to do with something that someone likes to receive.

Christine:

Ah, okay, so in the vernacular atop is a giver and a bottom is a receiver.

Shannon:

Yeah, but it's like this was a really interesting journey for me to be Googling it, because, I mean, we keep using past tense, because it's not really used as much anymore, and so there's so many different reference points and it's not all the same, which, by the way, can imagine how complicated that must be, being like, oh, is it the 2023 blue or is this the 1990? Like, oh gee, retro blue, because one means that you like this thing and the other one means something entirely different.

Christine:

Lots of keep track of which we're trying to sort out for you, our listeners, and, as you can see, we had a hard time sorting it out ourselves.

Shannon:

But it's an interesting topic because it is. You know, we talk about marginalized stigma and we talk about, you know, minority stress and flagging and subtle ways of signaling are a huge part of the coming out or not coming out experience. But there is still modern flagging. So, even putting aside all of the colors and confusion around what blue means what and which, by the way, was also funny looking at, like the reddit pages, because people are like how do I know if it's fuchsia or just regular pink?

Shannon:

I think there's so many choices now, but there's also actually the before we get into modern stuff. There's also the lesbian history of using keys as their way of flagging. So wearing a set of keys or a key ring on the left or right side is similar to the flag in the left pocket, or the right back pocket, all right.

Christine:

So that is a revelation to me, because I know, because you know there was a time in the you know 90s, early 20s, and all of a sudden you would see, you know, women having a key chain.

Shannon:

I am.

Christine:

I am. I do not know that was a, I just thought it was utility. What do you think all those keys are for? I don't know Well.

Shannon:

I have a key chain.

Christine:

But I'm wondering now if I have to think twice now where I hang my keys, because when I'm wearing jeans and I have two sets of keys, I'll throw my key chain on the right side. So what does the right side mean?

Shannon:

Uh, same thing as for meant for the gay male community. So left pocket is top right pocket spot.

Christine:

Oh okay, so all right.

Shannon:

But also you're not a lesbian, so it would be weird for you to pay any attention to what your quote unquote signal you're not signaling. It's also not that widely recognized anymore, which again we will get into what the more modern signals are. But it is funny that you say that because I remember when I was in like the preliminary stages of creeping around, read it as like a young 19 year old trying to figure out my sexuality, and I read that wearing your belt to like one side was also how much of this is true, unclear. But it was like if you wear your belt slightly off center, it's because you're gay. And I was like, oh god, just constantly read adjusting my belt. What if they know Like? What if these people who barely know what being gay means, somehow know that wearing your belt three inches to the right means you're queer?

Christine:

So so it seems like even within the lgbtq community, some of that signaling and flagging is not entirely set in stone and might be dependent on the community that you're in, even like a particular you know region of the country or something like that, in terms of what different you know codes or signals mean.

Shannon:

Yeah, but I do think and I keep believing to this. But there are modern quote unquote modern signals like, for example, uh, it's funny, the carabiner is a real big one. Like Like really, yeah, lesbian women wearing carabiners. You're like, oh, which is funny, because when you put that together with the history of wearing the keys, it's like, oh, you know, kind of, but it's, it's like the evolution of the sort of the evolution, because it's a little bit more subtle. But yeah, I mean, you can. It's always the joke that, like whenever you're at like a pride fester, you're at like you know a ticket and set our concert, you have like eight million carabiners present. It's ridiculous. And again, what are you carabining?

Christine:

Unclear. Okay, so there's something that I'm learning again. I thought you know. Okay, so a carabiner can be used as a key chain, so I just assumed once again utility, but it is actually a signal of being part of the LGBTQ community or specifically like the lesbian community, specifically lesbians.

Shannon:

Yeah, actually Shay, who's one of the editors on this show. She and I run Queers and Beers in Rhode Island and we've talked many times about getting Queers and Beers branded carabiners because we're like, I mean, the community wants it, we know they want it, so stay tuned for that. Maybe we'll do it for a sex idea, but I'm just really up the number of carabiners in the Providence population. So carabiners are a big one. And then unofficially but it feels pretty official Doc Martens oh okay, it's like a big one. You know, if you got a pair of Docs, you're probably not a one on the Kinsey scale.

Christine:

There's somewhere else on the spectrum. That's good to know. That's a big one.

Shannon:

Um, I mean, we've talked about it too on the show and we've joked about it, but like it does get harder when non queer folks start doing things like wearing docks and flannel at the same time and you're like but I think, I think you, I think you, I think you got the carabiner down. Yeah, we'll take the carabiner. Take the carabiner, that's for us.

Christine:

I also saw when I was looking around Tiktok. Apparently fingernails colors are a thing, but I don't know if that's necessarily. I don't think it's a signal necessarily of Straight and LGBTQ. It's kind of more of a I'm available or I'm not available?

Shannon:

I don't know, because I truly do not see anything on tiktok because I avoid it like the plague as the elder millennial Good elder millennial that I am, but I do know that there is a history of nail polish for the LGBTQ community. Two different colored nails generally indicates Luscious or at least queer, some degree of queer, but so, like I think what you're referring to on tiktok is the Certain colors indicate like you're spoken for, taken, and then a different color means you're single and ready to mingle and whatever, but that's like. All your nails are that color versus flagging.

Shannon:

I polish in the queer community would be like your middle finger and your ring finger two different colors and that's like the flag I.

Christine:

I also heard of the ace ring for the asexual community, which is a black ring worn on the right middle finger. So that would that would signal to other people in the community that that is their orientation.

Shannon:

Yeah, not to be confused with the pair ring that we talked about in this modern day. Which could get very confusing, like are you very much available or very much not interested?

Christine:

It's like this is the black part that makes it signaling pairings pretty close.

Shannon:

Yeah, the the nail polish for a single and taken and whatever. Also reminds me of like Stoplight parties. Have you heard of a stoplight party?

Christine:

I believe you educated me. I think at one of our Fireside gatherings, you and Shay educated me what a stoplight party.

Shannon:

Well, so like. Green means you're available, yellow means you're like, you know, maybe available, kind of just test in the water is then green, green or red means you're taken stop lights. So even even outside of the traditional scope of LGBTQ flagging, to your point, there is also just relationship flagging.

Christine:

Okay, so I went digging into some Reddit searches myself.

Shannon:

How dare you know where it's mine.

Christine:

You know that, but I had you know so in the so not necessarily LGBTQ community, but in the polyamorous committee, there's the whole thing of the upside-down pineapple. That signals that you're open. Swingers, lifestyle swinger, sound so kind of it.

Christine:

It sounds a little like 1970s, that is what people associate the upside-down pineapple well, apparently, in the Adult, senior adult community in Florida, the villages, as you may have heard, can get a little wild and crazy. Well, they've taken the upside-down pineapple to a new level and they have actually those Lufas that they hang on their cars. That are different colors. Lufas like from the bathtub, yes, like to hang on your car, and so wait, so check this out. White means you're a beginner, sure. Black means you want it all. Great, I got a spectrum understood, but teal is for bisexual, purple are people who like to watch, pink is a soft swap and blue is plays well with others and yellow is open but nervous. Do you think that?

Shannon:

the like. The big people in the Lufa industry are like what is happening? Why has there been a resurgence in Lufa sales? Well, and also specifically in Florida. Well, to the bottom of.

Christine:

First of all, remember the villages is huge. It's like literally tens of thousands of communities, although I did see a counter being like well, it's not really to signal anything. It's because people in the villages don't know which car is there, so they use it to walk.

Shannon:

Yeah that sounds like a bagel Sis internalized situation. I think we all know exactly what it's for.

Christine:

So I think the truth is probably somewhere in the middle.

Shannon:

I suspect that there is some coding going on, because there's a lot of they better get the system sorted, because if you're just trying to find your car with a what is it? Hmm, with a black likes to watch, someone knocks on your window hey, what's up? Saw you're into. I was just trying to find my Honda man.

Christine:

It would be Honda Civic, probably in that community yeah, let's savor. But it is true that there is some signaling in Polyamorous and open communities, and some of it will be necklaces or bracelets and they try to color code as well as to make Sure that people know where everyone stands on that spectrum, because, much like the Kinsey scale is a spectrum, so is the spectrum of open relationships as well.

Shannon:

Yeah. So I think you know the nice thing if you want to come out of this episode with a like oh, that's good is the reason a lot of flagging and signaling and sort of traditional ways of indicating sexual preference have gone away is because there are more avenues now to just actually be open about your preferences, whether that is more normalized conversations about sexual preference and sexual orientation, or it's the abundance of apps, like we talked about on the dating episode a couple weeks ago, grindr has made it very easy to say exactly what you like as a gay man, rather than having to go through the Pantone color booklet from 2023 every time you want to have sex. So it is good that that's sort of moved in that direction, and maybe someday we'll reclaim the pineapple and it'll just get to be a really delicious fruit once more.

Christine:

Just keep it right side up and cut it up and eat it and put it in your pina colada and you'll be fine. It's really good for you.

Shannon:

It's really nice, but yeah. So always good to revisit the history a little bit and always good to talk about how it's been modernized, but again, it's a good indicator that we've been able to move away as a society from always having to be subtle and actually being able to have open conversations and be comfortable expressing to the world our likes, dislikes and what we're into, man.

Christine:

That sounds great, and if you want to wear colors, go right ahead.

Shannon:

Yeah, just be careful not to string the wrong loofah up to your car.

Christine:

Good advice for anyone out there, anyone at all.

Shannon:

So that's a wrap on this week's study session. Keep sending us the subjects and questions you'd like us to cover and we will get another full episode coming your way on Sex Ed Debunked next week. Take care everyone. Bye now.

Christine:

Sex Ed Debunked is produced by Trailblaze Media in Providence, rhode Island. Our sound producer is Ezra Winters, with production assistance from Shea Wine Drunker.