Study Session #15: Gaydar

On this week's study session, Christine and Shannon discuss "gaydar" – including "gay eye contact," "pleasebegaydar," and what the research says – or doesn't say – about this phenomenon. 

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Chapters

• 1:29 Defining Gaydar
• 6:33 Eye Gaze and Other Cues
• 8:12 Reddit and Auto Straddle
• 15:45 Lived Experience and Qualitative Research
• 17:03 Harmful or Protective?

Transcript

Shannon [00:00:03]:

This is study sessions brought to you by sex ed debunked.

Christine [00:00:06]:

In these minisodes, we'll discuss a myth suggested to us by listeners like you.

Shannon [00:00:11]:

Like what you hear? Want to hear more? Follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter at Sex Ed Debunked to suggest new myths, provide your own show notes and give us ideas for what to talk about next.

Christine [00:00:20]:

Now take some notes. The study group is in session.

Shannon [00:00:24]:

You um.

Christine [00:00:28]:

Hi. Welcome to study sessions, our bi weekly minisode brought to you by Sex Ed Debunked.

Shannon [00:00:34]:

In this week's session, we are going to be talking about Gaitar. This was a topic brought up by one of your students very well.

Christine [00:00:42]:

Yes, indeed, it was one of my students from my social psychology class. And specifically, the question posed by the student was, is Gaitar a myth? And the students wanted to know, are some people really better at detecting who is gay or straight than others? Or is Gaitar simply a way of categorizing people based on stereotypes about sexual orientation or masculinity or femininity?

Shannon [00:01:10]:

So it's interesting because I would never think of there's no such thing as straight r right?

Christine [00:01:16]:

No, I know.

Shannon [00:01:18]:

So that's not something I'd ever considered before. But I do think and I'm sure we can talk about some of the research, but I do think there is something to be said for people who are in the queer community are better at assessing who else is queer.

Christine [00:01:34]:

Maybe, maybe not.

Shannon [00:01:35]:

Maybe.

Christine [00:01:37]:

Well, the research is really unclear, Shannon.

Shannon [00:01:40]:

Unclear, but not unquer. Yes.

Christine [00:01:43]:

Good job. Always a pun.

Shannon [00:01:45]:

We haven't had a pun.

Christine [00:01:46]:

Thank you.

Shannon [00:01:47]:

Thank you for that.

Christine [00:01:49]:

Let me tell you what the research so under the research. In about 2003, a researcher whose last name was Shelt suggested that there was actually Gaitar, and it was an adaptive function so that LGB folks could recognize each other and form a community. So that's kind of an interesting theory suggesting why somebody who's in the community would be able to identify other people who belong.

Shannon [00:02:20]:

That makes sense. And that's kind of the idea of flagging, right? It's like if you have the handkerchief in your left back pocket, then you're signaling that you're gay. Or there's something with painting your nails a certain way shows that you're a lesbian, which is obviously ridiculous because lesbians don't paint their nails. Sometimes they're black stereotype.

Christine [00:02:43]:

But you know what's funny, right? Like, the stereotype in the became the earring for the men. So if you had the earring in one ear and not the other, that was supposed to signal that you were gay. But that's, I think, different from gay. Dar. Because that's somebody in the community who's actively trying to signal something else, like something their orientation, not somebody that's why.

Shannon [00:03:10]:

A lot of my friends in the queer community jokingly lament the fact that Flannels and Doc Martins have become so mainstream, because now we're like, well, how am I supposed to know you don't. How am I supposed to know? You're wearing a beanie, a flannel oversized sweatshirt, Doc Martins, and you're telling me you're straight? I don't know.

Christine [00:03:33]:

Yeah, sorry about that. We like flannel.

Shannon [00:03:36]:

Sorry. From all of the straight community. Yeah, no, that's fair. Everyone deserves to have flannel. Exactly. Flannel equality is a really important platform.

Christine [00:03:44]:

Especially here in New England.

Shannon [00:03:45]:

I mean, it's cold. Flannel feels really warm. You're right. So in the research well, the research, the limited research, how is gaitar defined?

Christine [00:03:54]:

Well, see, the research is funny because different researchers have tried to figure out, well, what is it? So people think that there's Gaitar, which looks at this is one the original definition was defined as, quote, an inexplicable intuition seemingly innately bestowed upon members of the gay community.

Shannon [00:04:17]:

Oh, my goodness. What an honor. And dare I'll say, a privilege.

Christine [00:04:23]:

Special. Very special.

Shannon [00:04:25]:

So special.

Christine [00:04:27]:

So that prompted.

Shannon [00:04:30]:

A small body of.

Christine [00:04:31]:

Research saying, okay, well, if we all think this is happening, so how do we test it? And what are gay people looking at that gives them this ability to sense who belongs in their community? So a various amounts of studies kind of popped up. I will say, as a caveat, these studies are basically looking at straight or gay and lesbian. It's not looking at any other types of sexuality.

Shannon [00:04:59]:

Binary.

Christine [00:04:59]:

Yeah, it's very binary. And some of these studies were done, a fair amount of them were just done in laboratories. The basic paradigm is bring in heterosexual folk, bring in gay folk, show them pictures of random people and see who's more accurate in detecting who's straight and who's not straight. See, I feel like that's really bizarre.

Shannon [00:05:26]:

Because kind of go back to your student's question. I think a study like that relies on stereotypes. But I think the truth about Gaidar, if it is such a thing, is much more based on interaction than looking at a static image. I know for myself, it's funny, the definition that you gave that said inexplicable intuit was not inexplicable it's relevancy effect. I'm theoretically going to be better at detecting whether or not someone else is gay or queer because that is a sense of mine that is heightened as part of the community.

Christine [00:05:59]:

Well, exactly. And that's, as you pointed out, a limitation of that kind of research because it's a static photo. And in that research, they either found very minor differences in accuracy and in some cases, no differences. And even when there was differences, it wasn't, as they say in research, statistically significant. So that led researchers to also look at other aspects. So like you said, photo is static. So another area of research was looking at eye gaze.

Shannon [00:06:33]:

Yeah. So I want to pause before we jump into that research because one of the things that I did that I always do is I went to the Internet to see what the Internet thought. And so of course, I went to Reddit, which at this point we should be getting our Reddit sponsorship. I also went to Auto Straddle, which is another very queer friendly publication. But Reddit was interesting because I went on the subreddit called Actual Lesbians, which fun, in fact, is where I met my first online girlfriend Shout out. But I went through a series of posts that were all about the subject of Gaidar. And so the way that it was defined on that subreddit was first and foremost the ability to identify social cultural clues which like, hey, that makes sense, obviously, as it pertains to orientation, but very basic. And then someone else's definition, which I liked, was it's just your brain picking up on micro details and expressions about another person. The only difference is that gays are better calibrated to understand our own communities little things. Which I think again, kind of responds to that definition that says inexplicable in the whatever. No, it's that the queer community is better calibrated to understand other things, other members of the community. The other funny point that Reddit made, which everyone ever who's pined after a straight person can understand is the concept of, quote unquote, please be gay dar. Which is when you try to will it into the universe that someone is gay so that you could possibly have a chance at them. But that is a heartache for another day. That's a different phenomenon altogether. Different altogether.

Christine [00:08:12]:

I will say though, you're kind of spot on in terms of the research. Your Reddit writers are in line with the research in the sense that they do see that eye gaze is just one of many contextual cues that seems to be able to identify identity better than obviously looking at these static photos.

Shannon [00:08:35]:

Well, and so that's why I also looked at Auto Straddle. So Reddit is just community forum. People kind of just like give their thoughts, give their opinions, whatever. Auto Straddle is actually a publication and they're pretty well known for doing a lot of reporting on media and pop culture, but they also do little editorial pieces. And so one of their articles was about Gaidar and they interviewed some folks and it was actually in response to a series of studies that were simply showing static imagery and showing faces. And so one of the people said, I don't think my Gaitar factors in faces at all. It's like 50% walk, 25% close and 25% gay eye contact. And then another person who said, yeah, my gay r relies almost exclusively on gay eye contact, which I hadn't even thought about before. And then when I started thinking about it, I'm like, oh yeah, that is one of those because you hold that gaze just a little bit longer. And when I say that, I do mean you hold that gaze just a little bit longer.

Christine [00:09:34]:

Another pun, two puns, three puns, you're.

Shannon [00:09:37]:

Already free of charge. But to your point, there is research to support that.

Christine [00:09:44]:

It's almost like your research was done by your reddit and auto straddle journalists because the research of focus groups, so focus groups is a specific kind of qualitative research where the researchers talk to people in the community to find out what's going on. And in that study, all of the focus, the lesbians in particular in that focus group said exactly what you just described. It's about physicality, it's about eye contact, it's about energy, it's about a certain way that you portray yourself in that space. So it's very contextual and very much based on a live person in front of you as opposed to simply looking at a photograph. So I think that this area in terms of whether or not gaitar is a myth, cries out for more qualitative research and there's not a lot of it. I'm looking through a few studies now and they're still mostly looking at something in a laboratory which basically is either listening so there's ones looking at auditory cues, but we're still seeing the same lack of any differentiation really.

Shannon [00:11:04]:

Right, yeah. This is one of these that I think is sort of lived experience. I mean, I have anecdotal examples. I remember a couple of years ago I was in Texas with some friends of mine and they were not in the queer community, they were just friends that were visiting. We all just met up and we were at a bar and this waitress was waiting on us, whatever. And she kept walking back and forth tending to us, whatever. And I said to them, I was like, that waitress is definitely hitting on me. And they were like, what makes you say that? And I was like, no, it's just a vibe I get. She's definitely queer. And they were like, really? I don't get that at all. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I could be wrong. And then at the end of our dinner, she came over and gave me your number and said, I'm working until eleven if you want to come back. And they were like, how did you do that? It's gaitar, man. But it's like my gaitar is good because I'm very queer, so I just have a better sense of it.

Christine [00:12:04]:

Well also, and I think Shannon, in fairness, you also pay a lot of attention to detail. As a journalist, as somebody who's in this field where you're paid to observe, you are extraordinarily observant. And I think that's maybe that's a gay thing, I don't know. But I know it's a you thing because I know you and I know that you pay attention to a lot of detail when you meet people.

Shannon [00:12:26]:

I think we need to get buttons that say in quotes, maybe it's a gay thing that needs to be our next line of merch.

Christine [00:12:34]:

But no, for the next Pride festival in Providence.

Shannon [00:12:37]:

Yeah, exactly. Coming up next month.

Christine [00:12:39]:

But it's interesting actually that you say.

Shannon [00:12:40]:

That, because going back to the concept of eye gaze. I found this really interesting article about this movie that came out on Netflix a few years ago called The Half of It. I forget exactly where it came out, but it's a very queer film. It's actually a retelling of serrano, which is interesting. Like the serrano. Yeah, exactly.

Christine [00:13:06]:

Roxanne there's also you older listeners, so.

Shannon [00:13:10]:

There'S a whole article that we can share out in the episode, actually. But the title of the article is Alice Wu's. The Half of It is a reminder that clear desire is all about eye contact. And then the subheader is the film is a Study in Unspoken wanting something LGBTQ two people know well. And I wanted to just share a couple of quotes from it that I found really fascinating. So one of the quotes said, eye contact is a part of being queer self silence and wanting like a snake chasing its own tail. We look and we want over and over and over again. Another one said, eye contact exists in part as a response to the dangers that may await queer people when we speak our desires out loud. And then the last one said, queer flirting is limited to moments of eye contact that feel exciting and frail, fulfilling and never quite enough. And so the reason why I want to share those things is because it's such an interesting elaboration of something that isn't just, oh, I'm looking at you and you're looking at me. It's that it almost is sort of the breach. If you hold that eye contact, you're actually kind of acknowledging something like you're allowing yourself in the same way that I think signaling whether it's the earring or the handkerchief or the nails painted a certain way or whatever it is. I think this was a really interesting take on eye contact as sort of your permission.

Christine [00:14:31]:

Well, interestingly, along similar lines, one of the studies that looked at auditory signals, which is similar, kind of a small slice of information, although they don't find that gay and lesbian folks are necessarily better at detecting gay, you're going to love this. They have less of a straight bias. So the rest of the community is going to like, if someone looks like a male person but acts feminine, if you're a straight person, you're more likely to call to say that that person is gay. And so some of what the suggestion is in the research. And if I was to synthesize what I've looked at so far, I would say that a lot of the stereotyping and categorization is around masculinity and femininity and who's atypical and who's not. And in the context of straight folks, straight people, because it's the majority, tend to categorize people as straight, whereas people in the gay and lesbian community have less of that bias because they're not interacting with straight people all the time.

Shannon [00:15:45]:

No, that's so true. And it's really funny. We always joke about it in our queer meetup groups where we're like, I'm always surprised when someone comes out to me as straight. I don't even know what to do with that anymore. Well, I don't know what to do.

Christine [00:16:02]:

With that either, though I do have other queer friends who I know do.

Shannon [00:16:09]:

The same type of thing and crush.

Christine [00:16:10]:

On people and keep their fingers crossed.

Shannon [00:16:12]:

Again, that's the hashtag pleasebeguedar, which is really just queer pining, which is an episode and a myth and a therapy session all in itself.

Christine [00:16:24]:

So I think the one other thing I want to mention before we wrap up this study session is the second part of the question from my student as to whether or not it's simply categorizing and if it's harmful to try to that allows these stereotypes to persist. And there's commentary and essays kind of going both ways. And I think maybe that's a question that you should weigh in on. Shannon do you think this whole idea of gaitar is harmful to the gay community, or is it kind of protective to the queer community?

Shannon [00:17:03]:

Yeah, I think it's tough to say. I will say that. And I remember we talked about this on the episode with Benny, and I've had experience with this, and I know a lot of other people who have had experiences. One of the most hurtful things you can say to someone when they come out is, yeah, I knew. And so I don't know that it's necessarily harmful to just say you have Gaidar. I don't think acknowledging that those stereotypes exist necessarily is harmful. But I do think that when you take those generalizations that back gaitar, especially when you are not part of the queer community and you use them to draw assumptions that are really personal, that's where they become harmful. Because when you say, oh, I figured because you like sports so much, or, oh, I figured because you like to go to see musicals all the time, people are dynamic, interesting, multilayered beings, and they can have interests that stray outside of the quote unquote binary without meaning that they fall into one category or another. So I guess that's my long winded answer is, it's not harmful as long as you're not using it to make personalized assumptions.

Christine [00:18:12]:

Well, which is in line with any stereotype, really. The stereotype and the categorization our brains use are our brain's way of kind of distilling information because we have so much information being thrown at us. But if we take that stereotype and apply it to an individual without taking in additional information, that's when it's harmful. So I think you could go get a social psychology degree with all that, you know?

Shannon [00:18:41]:

Shannon yeah, I'll just put it on my list. There you go. But you'll finish yours and I'll go back and get mine, and we'll just continue this cycle forever.

Christine [00:18:51]:

But you intuitively kind of honed on the difference between what's okay, the brain using categories and what's not. Okay. Applying the Stem stereotype to everyone you meet without taking in additional information. So I guess that's the long way of saying gaitar may or may not.

Shannon [00:19:11]:

Be real, but Gaitar, it's as real as you think it is. In conclusion, and I would also say.

Christine [00:19:20]:

In conclusion, it's not really very well researched and it's not really researched in the qualitative community. So when you Shannon, talk about anecdotal evidence, that's basically what qualitative research qualitative research is.

Shannon [00:19:32]:

Yeah.

Christine [00:19:32]:

And there just needs to be more of it. And there needs to be more of it in more diverse communities in terms of different types of sexuality, different generations, different age ranges, different ethnicities, different backgrounds. There was one study actually, I ran across that said culturally there are differences as well. So there's more to be done here. And I think it would be an interesting line of research because of that piece that you said, the protective factor, when you know who belongs in the community, that makes everyone else feel a little bit more safe.

Shannon [00:20:08]:

Absolutely. So that's our episode on Gaitar. If you need like a cheat code, just go to Pride next month. Everyone's going to be pretty queer there. Seems pretty likely, but yeah, there'll be.

Christine [00:20:25]:

Some allies there, of course.

Shannon [00:20:28]:

Yeah. The rainbow is for everyone. So that's our episode, as usual.

Christine [00:20:32]:

If you have quick study session, topics.

Shannon [00:20:35]:

That you'd like to share with us or myths that you'd like us to debunk, share them with us at sex at debunked, on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. Or shoot us a message at sex at debunked@gmail.com. And we will be back next week.

Christine [00:20:47]:

And a few things. First, masturbation may. Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure. Mental Health Awareness Month. And also sex education month. So expect and hello, this person. Graduating.

Shannon [00:21:03]:

Graduating. So everybody, send your positive vibes to this new graduate. That's it.

Christine [00:21:12]:

Where's the sound when we need it?

Shannon [00:21:13]:

Sound effects when we need them. Yeah. All right, that's it. Thanks for tuning in. And we'll be back again next week with another episode of Sex Ed Debunked.

Christine [00:21:19]:

Take care, everyone. Sex Ed Debunked is produced by Trailblaze Media in Providence, Rhode Island. Our sound producer is Ezra Winters with production assistance from Shay Weintraub.